


Indestrucable

by FaerieChild



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-22
Updated: 2016-09-22
Packaged: 2018-08-16 18:12:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8112337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaerieChild/pseuds/FaerieChild
Summary: Light hearted one-shot. Q is kitting out 006 for his next mission. Q Branch have spent lots of time and money on a fancy new iphone but 006 spots an old Nokia 3310 lying around on Q's desk. (relationships implied, can be read as a Gen fic).





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was written ages ago just for fun and has been lurking on my hard drive. It felt like the right time to share.

“Right, 006.” Q clicked open the small black case he had prepared specially. “Gun. Walther PPK Short.”

 

“Is it-?”

 

“Yes, 006 it is coded to your palmprint so you can stop bugging me about 007's gun being better than yours. Radio transmitter. Electronic lock decoder and the finally the exact amount of plastic explosives you will require.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Quite sure.”

 

“For the record, I only like blowing things up when I'm not in the middle of it.”

 

“You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off.”

 

“Did you just quote Michael Cane at me?”

 

“I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about. Now, mobile phone. No tablet for this job but with what I've cooked up for you you won't even need one. Specially adapted top of the range iphone,” Q pulled out a drawer – an entire drawer 006 noted – of field-ready phones of all shapes, sizes and descriptions.

 

As Q was talking, 006's eyes scanned the desk and settled in on a little brick of a phone that was a side project of Q's, reaching out for it immediately like a child for a toy.

 

“Nokia 3310. Now you're talking!” Alec Trevelyan grabbed with gleaming eyes for the blue plastic brick.

 

“I...what? 006 put that down at once!”

 

“No chance. Finders keepers, this is mine.”

 

Q snatched it back. “You did not find it. It was in my supplies.”

 

“You have a Nokia 3310!”

 

“What of it? I'm working on something,” Q snatched the device from 006's hands.

 

“Working on what?”

 

“None of your business. Like I said, you are getting a new iphone prototype-” Q hadn't finished before Alec snatched the 3310 back.

 

“006, really!”

 

“Want this one,” Alec insisted. “Brilliant things. Completely indestructable.”

 

“But I made you an iphone,” Q all but pouted. He didn't actually pout because that would have been unprofessional, Q reminded himself but if he hadn't been the Quartermaster of MI6 he would have pouted. Then again, if he wasn't the Quartermaster of MI6 he wouldn't be having the problem of agents stealing decades-old technology.

 

“You didn't make it, you probably talked to someone in the CIA who talked to someone at apple who gives these things out to half the spies in the world. But this sweet little 3310 is all yours, am I right?”

 

“The tools we give you are specially adapted for the field, 006. I'm trying to kit you out with the smartest phone that I have!”

 

“And what, drop it once and be out of contact all mission? Screens smash, phones get wet, one night on recon and my battery's flat...no ta. This,” 006 held up the pilfered gadget, “This is a phone!”

 

“No, no, no...” Q made a grab for the Nokia just as 006 danced out of reached. “But I made all sorts of improvements. Look!” Q began pulling off the cover of the iphone, showing off all the special concealed gadgets he and his team had designed into the phone's casing.

 

“Don't care,” 006 insisted.

 

“But-”

 

“Nokia 3310, Q! I mean, it has Snake!”

 

Q paused for a long moment, gave 006 a hard stare that had absolutely no effect whatever, and finally sighed resignedly. “006, has anyone ever told you you're a bit weird?” Q's head tilted slightly.

 

“3310,” 006 sing-songed, holding up the phone. “Do you know, James drove a tank over one of these once and it still rang when M phoned up to give him a bollocking. Honestly, Q, is there actually anything that fancy iphone needs to do that this can't do for the sake of this mission?”

 

“I hardly think even this would survive 007 and a tank, 006. But nevertheless...”

 

“Great! All sorted. You keep that one, I'll keep this one.”

 

“Really, 006, I think if you would just listen to reason-”

 

“3310!” 006 shouted over Q triumphantly as the agent grabbed his equipment and made for the exit.

 

At the last minute Q dashed forwards and shoved the iphone in his pocket. “Just take it, alright?” Q said, scrubbing at his hair with one hand. “Call it an experiment if you like.”

 

~

 

It was a week later when 006 appeared in Q's office all but unannounced and dumped a collection of electronic shrapnel on his desk. The contorted, broken remains of his gun. The remnants of casing and electronics of his iphone. No radio at all, one-half of the electronic lock which seemed to have somehow been shredded down the middle and a fully-intact almost pristine 3310 with slightly cracked casing.

 

“I'm afraid I cracked the back little. You didn't tell me it was bullet-proof, Q.”

 

“I made some modifications,” Q fingered through the remains. “Are you seriously telling me this is all that's left of a thousand-pound one-of-a-kind, specially modified, not on the shelves yet, top of the range iphone with built in-”

 

“Built in crappy screen that can't even survive being run over by a car and lets not talk about that Saharan sand. Look, Q, I know you're not old enough to remember them but that's what I'm trying to tell you. You know as well as anyone I pretty much blow up your stuff for a living so take my word for it – iphone,” Alec pointed to the pile of debris and then to the remarkably intact phone. “3310.”

 

006 thought Q might cry at the pile of detritus his beloved hours of work had morphed into but nevertheless he held up admirably and adjusted his glasses.

 

“So what you're telling me is, after hours slaving away in my lab, coordinating with international corporations, hacking their code, designing specialist modifications and generally working my arse off for you and you're telling me you'd rather a 10 year old brick with only a bullet-proof screen to help you out?”

 

“And snake,” 006 added. “Don't forget snake.”

 

“Right.” Q stood staring at the thing for a moment, the little blue thing with its ancient yellow screen and black writing.

 

“And don't even get me started on the battery life. Oh to go back to phones that only need charged every three days! The word, Q, is stamina.”

 

“Stamina?”

 

“Stamina,” 006 nodded with a salacious grin.

 

Q adjusted his glasses, “There's something wrong with you,” and shook his head.

 

“Many things, Quartermaster. Many things.”

 

Just at that moment the door flew open and none other than 007 walked in and straight up to Q.

 

“007.”

 

“Q.”

 

“Might I ask why you're not on your way to Bratislava?”

 

“Priorities, Q. I heard something about new kit and 3310's?”

 

~


End file.
